


Finding Home

by Twiliterati



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angsty Schmoop, F/M, Gen, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-10
Updated: 2012-12-09
Packaged: 2017-11-20 18:19:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/588297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twiliterati/pseuds/Twiliterati
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bella believes that Nessie should have a fair chance to choose who she should love; asking Jake to leave and give her that chance. Can he make it without the object of his imprint? Non-Canon pairings, AU.  Hurt/Romance. Dark themes. Adult content.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Helloooo all of you who thought this may be worth a little of your time.... this is my first attempt at this fanfic thing. Decided to come out of the closet. I am no author wanna be.. Just a girl who just cant get over these characters we love so dearly. Give it a chance and let me know what you think.

**_Jake POV_ **

****

Why does it always have to rain. Since I’ve been in Vancouver, the weather completely mirrors my new mood in its shitty entirety.  It’s always so cold even though it personally doesn’t bother me. I haven’t shifted in the last three months but still my temperature is a toasty 108.9.  I try to keep my shirt on. People tend to stare but not for the right reasons.  Walking around with this fucking umbrella is starting to annoy the shit out of me. But I have to.  The last thing I need is unwanted attention. All I wanted right then was to just get my usual drink I get every night in the same dive I go every night. It’s now 9 o’clock. I normally go in at 11 but there is no fucking way I’d wait two more hours after that fucking dream I had.  It’s not a scary dream. It’s quite the opposite. _She_ was there. Just like she is whenever I have _this_ dream. Looking at me with her chocolate brown eyes and her long soft flowing hair around her. That face..oh that beautiful angelic face that captures every fucking thing in me; staring up at me. Her tiny hands stroking my jaw line trying to relax me in the moment. Only… this time…I don’t hold back…instead, I kiss her. And I felt it…like I was there… my body barely brushing against her even though I know she can hold my weight. My shaking hands stroking a beautiful lock of her bronze hair, while I lose myself in those same eyes that only see me as innocent Jacob and not the murderer I am.  I forgot that I have dreamt of this day everyday for so long as lost as I was in the moment. This is really it… or so I thought. Our first kiss. I leaned in to touch our lips; feeling as if I have just found my place in the world. And the heat I felt on me was the sun that  I have been waiting for to give my life some light and the soft caresses of her sweet, warm tongue touching my eager lips are the embraces I didn’t know my life needed to be whole until now. I hung on to this feeling as if my heart would stop if I let it go.  Our kiss deepens as I could now feel her warmth overtaking my body and the impulse to take as much as I can devour me. Moving my hand to cup her rose coloured cheeks, I dart my tongue out to taste her.  It tastes like sweet sun-kissed strawberries with a hint of honey. I want more. She gives me more. Forcing my tongue in what is now my heaven, her sweet mouth open; our tongues touch, tasting each other, wanting each other, showing our love in this newfound way to each other. As our tongues dance, I feel her tiny yet beautifully strong hands twine forcefully in my hair to pull me impossibly closer to her. So close I can feel her body growing warmer beneath me and her gorgeous untouched breasts pressing hard into me. I hold her. No. I crush her to me as I tangle my hand in her hair to drink her in. I hear her soft moans and I begin to panic. I become tense before I feel her break away from my lips and look into my eyes. I drink in every detail of her perfectly formed brows, her beautiful oval eyes,  the cutest freckles on her button nose and then….my ‘heaven’, the panic slowly evaporates as the corners of ‘heaven’ turned up into a wide smile. Sigh. Her little fingers moved gently to my face and find their way to my forehead- to let me know what she is thinking in her special way.

 “ No babe, It wasn’t good for me” I say as I furrow my brows deeper, then moved myself to lay next to her leaving my hand on her firm, smooth stomach. “It was fucking awesome. I would die a happy man right now.”

 My heaven transforms into a wider smile as she turns and nestle herself in my neck. I turn to kiss her temple as I whisper in her hair: “Happy 17, Nessie” when it starts to fade away.

I don’t feel her warmth; I don’t smell strawberries and honey. Just the smell of stale ciggies mixed with some shitty excuse for weed and lager in the air as I turn to release the pillow that was her a minute ago.

Yeah. So no way I was gonna sit here and dream about shit I can’t do when all I can do to get that shit off my mind is smoke a joint and drink a few. And so there I was walking in this fucking melancholy weather so I can go kick that shit.

There’s more people in here than the usual I normally see. Probably because I’m early. I took a stool by the counter because this fucker with bad hair was slumped in my usual seat in the back.

“Sup Jay?”

“Eddie…how’s it hanging?”

“You’re early…”

“Too early for you to make money? You’re open… so I’m drinking.” I threw the bills on the counter. “Gimme the usual”.

“Suit yourself.” He said then made his way to the cooler to retrieve a nice cold Heineken.

 I always wondered how comes he never asked me for my I.D but I guess there was no need since I was still suffering from the growth spurt.  Seventeen and looking twenty-five. He snapped the top off the bottle as he walks back over to me.

“So who’s dancing tonight?”

“Got this new talent starting tonight” Eddie said as he vigorously wiped the counter. “About to start any minute now.”

“Mhm”. I turned my stool to face the stage as I took a swig of my Heineken.

It’s not that I was interested in the newest little slut on the stage. It’s just that after coming in this dive for the past three months religiously you start going through the motions. I normally come in get a beer, light a joint  and turn down 5 out of 6 waitress that comes up to me for the night. The lucky one normally ends up in the back alley sucking my dick for 15 minutes then walks her ass to her own place. The last thing I need right now is some bitch in my face telling me all sorts of shit. I don’t even fuck them cause it just ain’t worth it. Never saw myself fucking anyone except _her_ so…

The bar gets darker as the ‘show’ gets ready to begin. I took the last half of my joint from earlier today out my coat pocket and start the search through my pockets for my piece of shit lighter. After a couple seconds, I reached in my left pocket to where I felt something that might be it. It was it. I light my joint and start toking; taking in one large draw and let the smoky poison find its way in my brain and eventually through my nostrils. Feeling a little relaxed, I slumped back resting one elbow on the bar counter as I watched New Slut enter the stage.  

A thumping started in the form of a trip hop beat that fucking sounds off through your heart as it begins. To the weird beat, New Slut’s body moved in harmony. Her legs long and covered in fishnet totally owned those four inch black pumps. I’m not gonna lie. My fucking breath hitched in my throat as she dances towards that stainless steel pole in the middle of the stage. Black corset with lace lining the front and a lace thong that gladly shows her goddess-like ass. Straight shiny black hair flowing down her waist and emo make-up. And I’ll be fucked sideways if New Slut did not wear a black halo to complete the Angel façade. My eyes, now glazed over due to the intoxicating smoke, couldn’t help but wander down to her hips. Those fucking curvaceous hips, highlighted by the black suspenders holding the fishnet up her days long legs.  Eddie was right. New Slut had talent. 

As she wraps herself on the pole and slides down head first,  the first thing I see are those long eyelashes brushing her cheeks as she closes her eyes in this sultry way. All that black look so goddamn sexy on her perfect copper skin.   _Shit. Easy Jake. Just a piece of ass_.  I wanna turn away  but the seventeen year old douche inside wants to look. So I let him cause I see no harm since I won’t be getting any action anytime soon and it’s not like I’m fucking her. Just a look. I take another swig of the beer and watch again as New Slut start undoing the hooks of her sexy lacy corset. _Shiiiit.  Maybe just a blow job. No fucking._

 As the song picks up in tempo, New Slut released her sweet Georgia peaches. I wanted to plant small frickin’ kisses everywhere she put those hands as she massages them. Maybe run a few of those kisses under the fucking suspenders. _Shit_ _._  I heard bottles smash against granite waking me from my stupor. New Slut was no longer on the stage. My eyes wander to where the noise was and found her in the back punching the shit out of the bad haired fucker that was sitting in my usual seat. I felt that long gone but not forgotten tremor starting to run through my fingers up in my arms as I see Eddie trying to pry her off him. Automatically, my feet are upright and I feel it coursing through me before I realize what’s about to happen. _Fuck._ Without thinking, I’m halfway out the door into the freezing rain.

 I ducked into the darkness of the alley and suck in the pungent smell of the dumpster to chase the shaking away.  After about two minutes, I heard Eddie’s muffled voice saying some shit about harassing his customers being a fucking ‘no-no’ and his massive steroid pumped arm was out the door before the rest of him with New Slut and all her shit in tow.

“Yeah, yeah…Fuck you too steroid monkey...I don’t need this shit anyway!” New Slut screamed at a disappearing Eddie while picking up her shit off the wet street.

“Shit” she mumbled as she put on her coat and wiped the make-up off her face.

Fucking. Hell.  I was sure my mind was playing tricks on me. This weed must be better than I thought it was. Nah, it can’t be her. No fucking way it’s her.  I start walking in hurried steps towards her. Just to see her face all little better. To prove that this weed must be making me hallucinate.

Then it was confirmed, New Slut and I were face to face and her expression mirrored mine: Absolute. Fucking. Shock.

“Leah?!”

“Jake! What the fuck are you doing here?!”


	2. Chapter 2

_**Jake POV** _

__

“Me?! What the fuck, Leah! Why the hell aren’t you in La Push with the pack?”

She stood there looking at me and I could see her expression changed swiftly from shock to uneasiness as she tugged at her coat as if to hide away. He uneasiness quickly changed to a look of defiance as she raised her chin and said: “isn’t it obvious I am not with pack? I told y’all long ago that I wanted to get the hell away from that life. I _want_ my own life! So just back off!!”

“Well shit Leah, getting your own life is one thing but what the hell was that in there?!”

And it was as I said that I realized that all the shit I was thinking about doing to New Slut about five minutes ago was what I wanted to do with Leah. _Fuck._  I felt as if I was about to be sick as I clutched at my heaving chest.

“It pays good money and I need money for college.” As she spoke in a small voice I could hear a tinge of sadness. I swallowed the bile that was rising as I looked more closely at her. The brass back-talking Leah that I knew was now this sad, unsure girl who appears so fragile within this minute. She slightly shook herself as if to get her façade back in check before she spat “besides, it’s none of your goddamn business.”

The rain suddenly started slapping at us as the skies, decorated with bolts of lightning, opened up. The thunder boomed loudly through the skies, ricocheting on the surrounding buildings, jarring me back to the present. I grabbed her hand and started dragging her to somewhere dry.

“Where the hell are you taking me?” she screamed annoyingly over the noise of the storm.

“You wanna stand here in the rain and talk? Come on!”

“I’m not even sure I wanna talk” she grumbled as I continued to lead her to my apartment.

 

As I turned the knob and ushered her in, I watched as her eyes roamed the roach motel I currently occupy.

“Gee, Jake, it’s a real palace” she said in a sickly sweet voice that dripped of sarcasm.

“It keeps me dry” I said rolling my eyes.

I slipped out of my jacket and walked towards the bathroom to get her a somewhat clean towel and one for myself. I stripped off my soaking wet tee and threw it on the forming pile of dirty clothes on my bedroom floor. I walked in the living room, tossing the towel to her, when I noticed she had helped herself to a beer already.

“Here, get yourself dry.”

I walked over to the fridge and grabbed a beer for myself; popping the cork with my teeth as I walked over to join her on the dirt-stained sofa. The silence was deafening, so I opted to drown that out with the TV.

 We sat there watching some shit program about some pregnant single chick while sipping our beers for awhile.

 “You left your _precious_ Nessie for _this?_ ” she said as her hands motions to my shitty apartment.

The sound of her name causes anger to rise instantly within me and I had to try very hard to remain calm, not wanting to shift. 

“Don’t…Leah…Just don’t.” I managed to growl as I grabbed the $10 bag of kush off the makeshift coffee table.

 

**Leah POV**

 

“Come on Jake, although I am a little skeptical about this imprinting bullshit, I can tell that you care and love her, why are you doing this?” I watched him as his anger is clearly splayed over his face and his breathing becomes heavy.

“ Look Jake its obvious you are miserable and before I left, Nessie looked just about the same as you…” his face abruptly turned to me then.

“What?” he whispered with a pained look on his face.

I took a swig from my beer and took the joint from his hand to light it. “Forget I said anything. Sorry I brought it up.”

“You think I love this, Leah?! I fucking love her! I would do anything for her, to see her again.  I would fucking die for her…Shit…right now I am dying for her?!”

He jumped off the sofa and quickly went into his room. With a sudden outburst, I heard bottles hitting the wall and shatter to a million pieces, clothes bursting at their seams ripping to threads and a loud, pained noise roared from his chest. I have never seen him like this. It makes me angry and sad at the same time. Angry, because if it wasn’t for this stupid frickin’ phenomenon of imprinting, both he and I wouldn’t be hurting like this, and sad because I know what it’s like to be fucked over by this aforementioned phenomenon.

 It seemed like forever when Jake came back out in just some boxer briefs and a newly opened bottle of Overproof Rum.  He plopped down on the sofa next to me and grabbed the joint to take a drag and hands it back to me. He took a long pull off the rum bottle making me second guess if it’s water and not rum, but the pungent smell of the alcohol that wafted over to me knocked that thought straight out of my head.  I took it from him, taking a sip, feeling the liquid burn moving down to my stomach, forcing me to take a deep breath. _This shit is strong. I bet it could make me forget._ The feeling of warmth it spread through my body, is one that I haven’t felt in a long time and I now wanted to bask in it; to let the warmth drown me just for a little while or at least until I  have no choice but to think about Sam again.

I took another sip, longer than the last, before passing it back to him.  I know me and Jake were never really on the same page, but I felt as if I wanna tell him that it gets better with time. Or maybe tell him that it will be okay. But I can’t do that, since I don’t believe any of it. It never gets better. Time doesn’t heal shit. It hurts just as much today as it did when he took back his heart from me to give to my bitch of a cousin and didn’t remember to give mine back. So the only thing I could do is sit there with him and try to familiarize myself with that warmth again.

 

I don’t know how long we sat there, but I know it must be a while because the rum bottle is almost empty and all the weed is gone. I could barely open my eyes but I look over at Jake, his head rested on the back of the sofa with his eyes closed. I could hear him moaning something, but I wasn’t sure what he was saying. My hand, on its own accord raised itself to his face and started stroking his cheek. He leans towards my touch and the moan gets louder.  I see a single tear falls from his eye and I felt this strong urge to kiss it way.

 As I tried to move over closer to him, floating and stumbling, I feel like I wanted to show him that I could love him better. Make him better. I stumbled as I climbed on him, straddling his lap and kissed the tear away.

 “Let me make you better.” I whispered. “Let me make you see that I could be better for you, _Sam_ ”

I felt his hand snake around my waist as he moans unintelligibly in my ear. And it felt familiar. Just like it used to feel when we lay together on the beach back home. I had to kiss him.  I wanted to kiss him like we used to even if it’s just for tonight. I pressed my lips to his gently and it tasted of rum and weed. _Not exactly like it used to. But I will take what I can get._ But the recognizable warmth is there and it warms my entire soul. _Just like it used to._  

I move my lips more vigorously trying to take as much as I can and the more I take, the more I want. My hips started grinding involuntarily, displaying the aching need inside me. Hands start moving slowly to my back before it slides to my waist holding me, pressing me firmly on his erection.

And as I felt gauche fingers running across my erect lace covered nipples, he thrust forcefully, into my hot, wet centre. His breathing is now rapid as his fingers move to grab my chest with gentle yet forceful squeeze.

 His touch brought the best and worst ache between my legs. I wanted to ease this ache, needed to feel more of his warmth. I wanted it inside me. His hands’ rough movements on my thighs draped over his lap; my puckered nipples in his palm, tells me he misses me too. He needs the warmth I can give him too. With rough kisses on his neck; gentle bites on his ears, I slipped my hand between us, in search of what I need to quell this overbearing ache between my legs.

I feel his hard, thick cock pulsating as I wrapped my hand around as much of it as possible. _When did he get so big?_  His moans get louder as my hand movement’s quickens.

“Oh, yes, baby...feels, so…good…” he mumbles.

_You see how good I make you feel, baby? If you didn’t leave me, you would have this…me, making you feel like this Sam. Tell me you want this._

“Oh, baby….mmmm…I love you. I need you, please don’t stop.” He moans in a slurred tone. His grip on my thigh tightens.

“I need you too, Sam. I need you so much” I whispered as I pulled my thong aside and guided his cock to my entrance. I felt him there, where I needed him and as I slowly lowered myself on him his juice and mine fused together, making it a little easier to take him in.

_God, I missed you. Oh, Sam…_

“Oh!” he warbles. Eyes tightly shut as he held on tighter to my hips guiding my movements.

It didn’t take long before our breathing becomes frenzied and our thighs slap violently together.

“Oh, God, yes! Oh, Sam!” I screamed as I begin to feel the warmth I had been longing for take over my entire body.  

I felt him tense beneath me as his pants become frantic and his groans get louder. And it’s at this point, I realized something is not right.

“Oh, Nessie!” I heard Sam groaned as I feel liquid warmth spread inside me.

It was like the smoke had cleared and I fell off the cloud I was riding when I realized that Sam was Jake. The pain I felt, shot through my non-existent heart jolted me from his lap.

 I felt the tears begin to flow, the pain becoming more prominent as I grabbed my bag and coat as I run towards the door. I stopped, wishing that this is the actual hallucination, to take one last look on the half- naked man on the grungy old sofa. I feel the bile rising to my mouth. _Still not Sam._ I grabbed the door handle swinging it open as pure alcohol in the form of vomit spewed violently from my mouth.

Forgetting the pouring rain, I ran blinded by the tears and the rain, as far as I could in search of reality. My chest felt as if it was being ripped open as I heard a garbled sob escape. My knees buckled and now all I feel is the cold and wet. The warmth had left my body entirely as if it was never there.

 

**Jake POV**

 

I could feel her. I would swear on my life that I felt her. She was on me and I was inside her. Except, unlike in the meadow we were more forceful and the blatant need pull us both into a magnificent frenzy.  I wanted to tell her that I love her. _Did I tell her that I loved her?_ I love the way she felt and how good it felt. Yes. It had to be real. My hands greedily trying to touch her everywhere. Grabbing her thighs. Feeling her bouncing on my dick.

We were in the meadow again. The same place I kissed her. It felt so real I could actually feel the grass beneath me and the wind on my face. There was something primal and raw about the way she kissed my neck and licked on my ear. And I fucking loved it.  Her whispers in my ear telling me how much she wanted to make me better only made me want to be better for her. And at the moment, I thought I was finally getting what I want. No. What I need. Renesmee.

I felt myself going deeper and deeper inside her. And I wanted to be completely lost there and never come out. All the feelings I had were bursting to come out. And I could hardly hold the groans that escaped my mouth.

“Oh! Nessie!” _I love you. You are my life. For eternity._

_“My Jake” she moans and wipes a stray tear that fell to my cheek. I even hugged her to my body._

I slowly raised my head up, hoping to look into the eyes of my angel. But the throbbing pain in my head should have been an indicator that something wasn’t right. I opened my eyes and she wasn’t there. I got up stumbling through the apartment in search of any sign of her. But there was nothing. No one. The emptiness I always felt after I dream about her is back tenfold and I felt as the shell I have become, cracks in a million pieces as I fell to the dirty floor sobbing myself to a tiresome slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


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